We are all bound by certain patterns and routines that continue to drag us down the pit of low self-esteem. Here are 5 tips that will help you find confidence.
“Autobiography in Five Short Chapters”
by Portia Nelson from her book “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery”
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
We all have a hole in the sidewalk of self-esteem. Some more than just one. Some we fall in and some we jump over. And sometimes we manage to walk the road with no holes at all.
And it is okay. Life is a learning ground, a journey of falling and learning how to get up, and next time avoiding the fall altogether.
So what you can do to increase your low self-esteem?
- Recognize the hole – the key to this step is increased awareness. Take a step back, silence your ego and all those negative voices and try to see the truth. Try to see things for how they really are: learn to distinguish between your shadows and reality. Are your unprocessed emotions and unacceptable parts of you speaking through you or you can see things clearly?
- Face your shadows – emotions, past experiences and parts of you that you have been keeping at bay, hiding in the attic of your mind. Acknowledge them. Accept the truth that they are here. Spending time with them and listening to what they have to say. Without judgments and do this without trying to get rid of them. They are part of who you are, part of your experience and they will never leave. The key is to harness their power and learn from them, incorporate them into your experience and make yourself richer inasmuch.
- Do not fall in. This is the try and error part of the process. By this time, you are aware of the hole and you know you don’t want to fall in. Now, you know better that “I can’t control it; it is beyond me; it is their fault”. But still, it is easy to slip into that hole. And it is perfectly fine too if you do. Because of this time, it is more ‘going down’ than ‘falling down’ the hole. It is okay. Let’s do it again.
- Reach for the experience. Now you are wiser and stronger. Richer for this experience and once you see the hole you will elegantly avoid it. This is a time to rejoice.
- Take another road. At this point, the hole will no longer hold a power over you and you will choose another road. You lived it through and there is only a memory of it. A memory engraved in your DNA.
But, there is also part 6 in this journey of improving your low self-esteem – a part where this abovementioned joy will soon stumble upon another hole on this new road you’ve taken. Since there are no roads without holes, the adventure of life is in exploring them.