Over Controlling behavior gives us a false sense of safety because there is no such thing as having control over life. Find out how to surrender to the unknown.
Over Controlling behavior gives us a false sense of safety because there is no such thing as having control over life. Find out how to surrender to the unknown.
Just recently, I realized that the frustration and anger I have mostly felt over my adult life were manifestations of my need for control.
It came as a big surprise to realize that I am a true control freak. But, it actually made sense; the only way I could have ever felt safe was by thinking that I was in control of what happened to me and to the those I love. If I controlled things in my life, then I could not got hurt or feel any kind of emotional pain.
Suddenly, I saw that a controlling need in every aspect of my life was concealed behind what I called “good planning”. I realized that I went with the flow only when things were not of high importance.
Constant tension
The need to control everything is very exhausting. Whenever things do not pan out as we planned or thought or assumed they would be, we feel angry and frustrated.
However, by our attempt to control things we don’t decrease the tension, but rather increase it. Controlling behavior gives us a false sense of safety because there is no such thing as having complete control over life.
That is why I sometimes did things that may have appeared completely irrational and out of control. I was trying to “sell” this false image of a carefree and relaxed version of myself, when in fact, that didn’t represent anything but my way of escaping a need for control.
Here is what I have realized about my need to control things:
- The need to control is rooted in fear – and where there is fear, there is no space for love
- Having an unplanned outcome is sometimes the better outcome
- Letting go of control would actually set you free
Life takes care of all of us
Things happen. No matter what we do, or how much we plan or worry, life takes its course.
Let go of everything: let go of old emotions, pain, and behavioral patterns that no longer serve you, or are no longer in line with who you have become. Let go of control.
You cannot keep people that you love alive in a glass aquarium and not let them live free out of fear that something might happen to them. Life is not only good moments, happiness, flowers and butterflies. Life is a ride, a journey, a path made of pebbles of both sorrow and joy.
Decide to let go. Give the driver’s seat to somebody much powerful than yourself – life. Then, just sit back, and enjoy the ride. I am finally learning how to relax, and you should too.