What sexuality is truly about if you are attracted to both genders?
It’s a peculiar thing to grow up in a world that automatically assumes a person is attracted to the opposite gender.
Children are pestered for the most meaningless interactions. Kids start screaming about cooties if you share your ice cream, or partner up with a boy in gym class. Even adults good-naturedly tease you for hugging your classmate in the bus line, prodding your shoulder with a knowing smile, asking if you have a crush on him.
Your mind is slowly trained to analyze the interactions between opposite genders. As a result, adolescents have extreme difficulty recognizing that other possibilities of attraction exist.
I remember reading a puberty book that stated, “If you find yourself staring at girls and their bodies, it’s a natural and normal curiosity that comes with growing into yourself.”
For a while I shrugged it off and believed this; I was just curious to see how others’ phenotypic traits matched my own. Yet as I grew older I found myself still looking at girls. Eventually I learned what bisexuality was and the way some people viewed it.
Struggling to Publicize an Identity
Accepting the fact that I was attracted to both genders was not particularly difficult or emotionally draining. The ability to be purely captivated to someone’s soul, without any need to base my preference on the body their character resides in, was really more of a blessing than a curse.
However, many people close to me, completely unaware of my own confusion, mentioned that they thought bisexuality was just some in-between for individuals that couldn’t chose a side. Hearing these judgements was enough to convince me and many others, that differing sexuality preferences was a burden too heavy to carry.
During this stage of my life, I had never been romantically involved with a girl. What if I changed my mind one day? What if I was dating a boy and people called me a liar? For a long time I had no desire to tell anyone, out of fear I’d be met with skepticism and disbelief. I thought that the only way I could open up about my sexuality, was if I was absolutely confident with my label.
Focusing Less On Concrete Labels
We cannot sum up our personalities in a few short sentences, so why would attraction be any different? Truthfully, you don’t need to create a concrete label, ready to pass out to others at any given time.
Humans are incredibly unique, hilarious, confusing, annoying, and good-natured all at once. The majority of us are just trying to make sense of these complexities, but have no idea where to begin.
The search for discovering your sexuality is about finding a system of beliefs that make you happy and helps you stay true to yourself. It’s okay for this identity to change over time. You’re absolutely allowed to redefine your preferences during the different stages of your life.
There are countless resources to turn to, such as support groups and online chat rooms. Many universities and cities publicize weekly discussions for those that wish to find a safe space to open up about their sexuality. Online platforms such PFLAG, provide links to upcoming events, youth information, partner organizations, and a list of popular media/blogs. You don’t need to figure everything out by yourself.
Remembering To Push Past Negativity
It takes time to realize you cannot change everyone’s opinions to align with your own. No matter what you’re certain of, there will always be people trying to disprove your identity.
The individuals that insult your character will not to be around forever. You will graduate high school, switch occupations, and change friend groups. You will move thousands of miles throughout the course of your life and meet others that are willing to accept your true character.
What will follow you, no matter how far you travel, is your concept of self-worth. Hold onto the people and beliefs that make you genuinely happy. With time, I promise the pieces will fall into place.