The quest for love and acceptance is one that we all pursue at one point in our lives, but what does it really take to love someone?

The quest for love and acceptance is one that we all pursue at one point in our lives, but what does it really take to love someone? The human connection as divine as love does not come easily, but the first step in loving someone else is learning to love yourself.


We all have a need for human connection, a basic need to be loved and accepted. We all desire to be loved for who we really are with all our flaws and shortcomings. But the problem is that very often we refuse to see ourselves for who we are.

We turn a blind eye to our demons and shadows sweeping them under the carpet, subconsciously believing they will go away if we don’t look at them. But that is where the problem starts, and where the key to free life and true love lies.

The more we push things aside the more they seem to come up again. It is one of the basic principles in life – the more you resist or negate something the more it nags you.

The same goes for your demons and shadows – they just want to be acknowledged, they also need love and acceptance like that other “almost perfect” side of you. But since we are conditioned to believe that we are worthy of love only if we are perfect, our minds decide to reject the existence of our shadows, which creates a false self that appears all peachy and love-worthy. And we go on unaware of all those other aspects of ourselves that lay dormant waiting for the right time to come out.

True Love: I see who I am when I look into your eyes

It is seeing ourselves in somebody else’s eyes that wakes our fears and insecurities. We spend years hiding ourselves from ourselves and suddenly, when we are faced with our reflection, our ego begins to panic knowing that the more we let ourselves open up to another human being the more we will be “exposed” and our shadows will no longer stay hidden. It will become real both to us and to the other person. That is when all our demons rear their heads: “if they see me for who I really am, they will know I am not worthy of love and they will reject me and abandon me.”  And there you are, facing the parts of yourself you thought didn’t exist, wondering where it all came from, scared and confused not knowing how to cope with all the new feelings.

Befriend your demons

True Love Has No Ending
                True Love Has No Ending Copyright: Aysezgicmeli

If you desire a true love and acceptance it is absolutely necessary to start with yourself.

First open your eyes to seeing who you really are. Face all your demons and shadows and ask them what is it that they need. They are just child versions of yourself that were once hurt but never dealt with the pain, and all they want is for you to see them and accept them. Try to see where they are coming from and give them love and understanding.

You’ve spent your life ignoring and repressing them and they in turn influenced your decisions, clouded your judgment and in a way directed your everyday life. Don’t fight them because more resistance you put the stronger they’ll get.

It is not about rejecting or getting rid of them, it’s about befriending them. It is time you give them the love and kindness they have been deprived of. Embrace and integrate them.

Accepting yourself to accept others

We are not perfect. None of us. But that is the beauty of it all. We become perfect in our imperfections because it makes us who we are – humans. Once you accept your own humanness you will also be able to see the others for who they truly are. You will give them freedom to be as imperfect as you are. Your will become aware of your demanding ego trying to mold people to fit the image you set for them, asking them to be something they’re not and with that awareness you’ll be able to “talk reason” into your ego’s demands. You will have no fear of being seen and will be able to love a real person standing across from you.

At times it will be hard but it is a well-rewarded journey to real love and life of freedom.

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Kristina Kantar is a writer and soul-searcher. She believes in miraculousness of life, in following your heart and the power of dreams. Strong advocate of freedom of human spirit and nonconformance to...

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