Things You Should Consider Before Getting Back Together With Your Ex.
Rekindling a previous relationship is a difficult feat. It’s hard to walk into the arms of a former partner, fully confident the relationship will succeed at the second attempt. If you are considering getting back with an ex, take your time with the decision. Think back to the original breakup and reflect on your time apart to help gage whether the individual is worth another shot.
Personal circumstances: At certain points in our lives, no matter how much we like a person, we cannot stay in a relationship due to personal reasons. Mental illness, major life changes, moving to a new location, or death of a close one can prompt a split, in order to better focus on ourselves. Decide if these personal conflicts are still relevant, or if these unforeseen issues will no longer affect your bond with another person.
Incompatible personalities: Once you are exclusive with someone for an extended period of time, you may come to realize that you don’t enjoy similar activities. Your partner could portray traits you find aggravating or display values you disagree with. Consider whether these problems will change the second time, or if you will continue to struggle finding common ground.
Fighting: It can start slowly, little passive aggressive comments that eventually transform into constant bickering. Many relationships end when the fighting reaches an all time high. When you are together you may endure more negative than positive interactions. Think about the problems that you fought about during the relationship. If the issues are still relevant, the fighting is not going to simply disappear.
Cheating: If your partner cheated on you in your previous relationship, you need to truthfully ask yourself whether this time will be any different. If the cheating occurred as an isolated incident, there is a chance your partner genuinely recognizes their mistake. However, if the cheating occurred multiple times, there is a higher chance your partner will cheat again, their previous habits exhibiting a lack of guilt for their actions.
Abuse: If you endured mental or physical abuse from your previous partner, you should not re-enter the relationship. Even if your partner insists that it will be different this time, no one deserves to be with someone who inflicts pain on a person they claim to love. You will absolutely find someone better.
After the Breakup
Time Apart: How long were you two separated after the break up? It’s important for you both to grow as individuals, giving each other space to help understand why the relationship did not work. If a lack of maturity played a part in the breakup, perhaps the time apart has molded you into more compatible partners.
Other Partners: During the breakup, you have to realize that there other partners may have entered the picture after you. When you two talk about the nature of your relationship, discuss what you are comfortable hearing about. Are the previous partners still relevant and will they pose a problem with your ability to trust?
Communication: How much did you two communicate while you were apart? Was it a healthy level of communication or did you remain dependent on each other? If you did not take a break from speaking, few issues will be resolved upon re-entering the relationship. During the separation, many conflicts fade away due to a lack of urgency. Once you two put a label back on the relationship, the dynamic will intensify, oftentimes highlighting issues that seemed irrelevant while separated.
During the Makeup
A Different Dynamic: If you get back together, the relationship is not going to be exactly like before. During your time apart you gain individual experiences that shape you both differently. You shouldn’t aim to recreate something from the past, instead move forward and try to create a relationship that is more successful than the previous one.
Honesty: Both of you have to be fully able to open up to each other, and discuss what you are willing to change in order to make the relationship work this time. You need to be honest with your partner when something is bothering you and maturely vocalize your concerns. You also need to be honest with yourself, identifying the emotions as they come, willingly addressing your internal conflicts.
Happiness: If you want to re-enter a relationship with your ex, the relationship needs to make you happy for the right reasons. A partner is not a crutch to rely on for comfort whenever times get hard, nor are they an outlet to misplace your frustrations. In order to make this work, you have to move past grudges and avoid passive aggressive attitudes. Understand your roles are to contribute to each other’s happiness by raising each other up, not bring each other down.